When comparing parental bereavement by cause of death, parents who lost a child to suicide reported higher levels of stigma, shame, and guilt than parents bereaved by a child’s natural death (Feigleman et al., 2009). Parents bereaved by suicide are riddled with feelings of intense guilt as they feel they must have had some responsibility in the death (Ross et al., 2018). Parents bereaved by suicide showed higher levels of distress and lower levels of sense-making ability when compared to bereaved who had other types of relationships with the deceased (Kawashima & Kawano, 2019). Secondary wounding, which refers to psychological scarring as a result of a survivors’ surroundings and others’ insensitivity to the loss, impedes parents’ meaning-making process which hinders their ability to find relief from their distress.
By sharing our stories of suicide loss on this site, we are acknowledging the power of our own narratives and helping to dispel the entrenched stigma surrounding suicide. This space is intended to provide an opportunity for surviving mothers to take back some power and encourage other mothers to come forward to share their stories of suicide loss which could help further dispel the stigma one voice at a time.
Suicide Language & Stigma
Terminology regarding suicide and suicide loss has evolved over the years. Some terms are considered antiquated as they perpetuate stigma, yet they are still commonly used. I offer these problematic terms along with up-to-date preferred terminology to promote the use of the new enhanced compassionate terminology.
Committed suicide ❌
Committed suicide is an outdated phrase that suggests suicide is a crime, which it used to be, or sin. This phrase suggests “that to take one’s own life is a selfish, cowardly, criminal or irreligious act, rather than the manifestation of extreme mental distress and unbearable pain” (Tobitt, 2018, p. 1). The phrase committed suicide has “potential for inducing stigma and so it deserves particular attention with the aim of eradicating its use” (Beaton, Forster, & Maple, 2013, p. 30). Unfortunately, this phrase has become so entrenched in English vocabulary that it has “an apparent naturalness which implies a deceptive harmlessness” (Olson, 2011, p. 1). Those experiencing suicide ideation and those bereaving a suicide loss need compassion, not the condemnation that this phrase carries.
Completed suicide ❌
Completed suicide is another phrase that has a negative connotation and should be avoided. Silverman (2006) suggested that the term is problematic because it is redundant and implies the success of an undesired outcome. This term arose as an alternative to committed suicide to differentiate a suicide from a non-fatal suicide attempt.
Died by suicide ✔
Died by suicide is the preferred phrase used to describe a death caused by suicide rather than using terms such as committed suicide and completed suicide (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, American Association of Suicidology, & Annenberg Public Policy Center, 2001).
The Media’s Use of Language that Perpetuates Stigma
In England, journalists and public figures joined together for the Talking Suicide campaign and released a letter to the press encouraging everyone, not just the media, to stop using outdated language such as committed suicide which suggests that suicide is a crime or sin. The letter proceeds to state, “This form of words can imply that to take one’s own life is a selfish, cowardly, criminal or irreligious act, rather than the manifestation of extreme mental distress and unbearable pain. It also adds to the stigma and feelings of shame that prevent people from reaching out for help.” (Tobitt, 2018)
Such a campaign would be beneficial for survivors of suicide in the U.S., but unfortunately, the antiquated language of committed suicide is still used.